Male Love.

Love is a complicated feeling. It always has been. For millennia it was repressed by society as a whole, then when it exploded, it became the supporting pillar for a beautiful, healthy, and lasting life as a couple.

In these years, we are seeing and experiencing a love that is complicated to obtain, difficult to maintain, with a very painful expiration date in mental, physical, and economic terms. It is a very delicate subject to treat. It is necessary to take all the time and space to analyze and understand. For this reason, I will focus here on the male side, while in another post, I will dedicate myself to the female side. Why start with men? It’s not a matter of patriarchy, but a much simpler reason: I am a man and I know my world much better than the female one.

So, fasten your seatbelts and let’s try to understand what a man wants from a woman, how a man experiences love, and what he looks for in a relationship.

The "In Control" Man.

I know this title seems truly excessive and on the verge of toxic masculinity. However, this is what the whole world teaches a boy, who will then become a man: a man has the need to keep his environment under control. A man in a relationship feels the duty to be the one who resolves things, who ensures that the members of his world are happy, and who must protect the territory. In case of danger or a problem, a man instinctively activates to bring the situation back to a state of balance that allows him to live with the peace needed to face the outside world.

In a modern context, the idea of the man in a relationship is that he is both in charge and an equal. I know it sounds strange, because you cannot be the head and an equal, but in love, it is absolutely possible. The man takes on the burden of the last word because he is ready to take the blame if things go wrong. We were born with this mentality. The man’s idea is this: there is a problem, I talk about it with my woman, we discuss how the thing should be resolved, and then I carry that idea forward to solve the problem. It doesn’t matter where the idea comes from, as long as the idea comes. We men don’t care if we are right or not. What we want is to solve the problem, and the only way we know is to solve it by taking the situation into our own hands personally, using the idea that THE COUPLE has discussed.

What would the woman's role be? It would be that of supreme advisor. She is the only one who can say something to the man, because a man in love cares about his woman's opinion, because a man in love thinks of the woman as a partner, not as a being one step below. A man does not want a woman who obeys, but a woman he trusts so much that he lets himself be guided by her advice. A man's leadership is based on the ability to communicate and listen. The clearer and more free of half-truths the communication is, the more he can protect and resolve. Furthermore, what the man asks is that once the decision is made, the woman has no doubts about his leadership, especially publicly, questioning the man's ability to handle a crisis situation. We are trained from birth to make decisions and we know how to solve problems.

The man wants a woman who trusts his judgment and lets him do what society expects of him. However, we do not want a passive woman who accepts anything and does nothing. The ideal woman for a man must be a woman who "lets herself be led," but who is capable of commanding when he is unable. A bit like in Sparta. In Sparta, roles were divided and defined (men protecting the home, the woman creating a home and peace), but she was always ready to take the helm when he was unable to steer the boat.

The concept is simple: the man desires to be the shield and the guide, but his greatest strength is knowing that, should he fall or lose his way, at his side is a woman capable of taking command and bringing the ship back to port. With the necessary adjustments to the tasks, this is what a man wants: the power of choice, equal communication, and the trust of his woman.

The "Disarmed" Man.

A man is a being who must be tough. Modern society expects a man to be decisive, firm, and masculine in his attitudes of control and almost dominance. In society as a whole, a man must always have this attitude, given that a man's life is a tribal struggle for territory and power.

But no man is tough. We have to be, because the world expects all of this. Women expect this too. They expect a man who knows how to be "masculine," in the sense of protection, reassurance, and presence. the true essence of a man is quite different. Many of us are four-year-old children who still get emotional when we see a tree being cut down, when we manage to create a perfect joint with two pieces of wood, and when a V8 is pushed to the rev limiter. There are men who still play with cards, video games, or do puzzles. This version of ourselves is dangerous. Not because it causes damage, but because it is a version of ourselves that would make us collapse if we showed it to the wrong people. A single word of mockery for that "childish" hobby we have and the best part of a man dies. This is why we hide... until the moment it is no longer needed.

Being in love for a man is feeling so at home that we become children. When a man feels protected in the arms of a woman, that man who is tough and resolute in the world becomes a potentially tender and cuddly teddy bear who seeks affection and behaves in a clumsy and sweet manner. If we men find the right woman, we are capable of being brutal outside the walls of the house and annoying "cuddle-bugs" when we are at home with the woman who allows us to be ourselves, expressing our true essence.

There are also men who are not tender and remain "rigorous" even in the fortress of the relationship that the woman has created around them. It is not a matter of a lack of trust, but of simple personality: not all men have this Man/Child dualism so marked. Some men remain very masculine even within the relationship.

However, with these people, they open up in another way. Those men let themselves be touched, let themselves be hugged, or hug in return. They let themselves be caressed, have their hair messed up, or be affectionately "teased" for their grumpy look. And they even smile at us. If a man teased him outside the house the way his woman teases him, the reaction would be immediate and very harsh. But with her, that weight disappears. Those men grant total freedom of speech to their woman, something that would be unthinkable in the world out there, because NOBODY can say anything to them. She is the only woman who can say something, even criticize and make him understand that he is making a mistake. That woman is the only woman to whom the man would give the car keys, and she is the only one who can approach when he is angry, disappointed, or needs to be alone. In fact, he is often the one to seek her out, for comfort and to obtain that strength that the world has taken away from him.

A man of this kind even allows himself to show doubts and to expose them without fear or judgment, knowing that on the other side is a woman who knows his true essence, does not mock or diminish him, but advises him to help him grow and solve his internal or work drama, knowing that he is a strong man and will solve the thing, but that in that moment he has a moment of weakness. A weakness that under no circumstances would he ever have exposed outside the house.

The "Lustful" Man.

A man in love is a man who is excited by his woman. I could not leave out this topic that society wants to cancel. Physical contact, or in any case the spark of passion, is a crucial element for a man. Without that living flame, the man does not love.

Physical contact is the way the man manifests his love to a woman. The relationship of "exchange" is very simple: the woman provides peace and emotional security, the man provides the woman with that physical well-being that every woman wants to have. I, frankly, find it hard to understand how many women refuse their man's physical contact. Refusing a man's physical attention is synonymous with abandonment. If a man sees his woman rejecting him, it is a moment of failure as a male and a partner.

Passion and sexuality play a fundamental role for a man. The thing that women do not understand is a very simple concept: it is not the sex we want. At least, not always. What we want is to feel our woman's desire. Physical rejection hurts not because of a matter of "missing an outlet," but because for the man, sex is the thermometer of the relationship's soul. If she rejects him, he feels emotionally unwanted.

A man expects a woman to find it exciting that he looks at her while she changes, while she showers, or while she sunbathes. He likes it when he is teased—but it goes no further—when she makes compliments about who the man is or what he does and when she seeks male attention. It drives him even crazier when she "enthusiastically welcomes the game" the moment the man makes the first move or when she is teased with caresses, gestures, and words. The man wants this erotic little game. Sex is also important, but if sex is just an end in itself, without something beyond it, it is of no use to us; in fact, we see it as a personal failure.

When a man is in love, he seeks his woman constantly. Every moment is good to give her that intense pleasure she deserves. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing our woman tremble, scream, and lose control of herself... a pleasure that we are the ones giving her. We don't need great gestures or planning. Everything a woman does is exciting, every position she takes drives him crazy. Every place is suitable for giving her the greatest orgasm of her life.

It is an evolutionary matter. The man shows his love through contact, not in words or romantic gestures. This does not mean that a man is not romantic. For the woman we love, we are damn romantic (resulting in being clumsy and messy). But nine times out of ten, we show our affection by dedicating ourselves totally to her physical pleasure, by worshiping her body in every detail, or by looking at her with veneration while she rubs shower gel on herself or takes off her pajamas.

Because for us, that contact is not just flesh. It is the confirmation that we are still the man she chose as her shield. It is the only moment in which the leader, the child, and the lover merge into a single person, finally complete.

The "Protected" Man.

We come to what is perhaps the most discussed point: the idea of the man looking for "a place of peace" in a woman.

Often this vision is trivialized or criticized as the desire to have a servant who cooks, irons, and washes while the man doesn't lift a finger. This is not what a man wants. There are men out there who live alone and are capable of cooking, washing, ironing, and being homemakers.

But the reality of a "good man" is much deeper and is based on a core concept: respect for the agreements. The issue is of a disarming simplicity: if a couple CONSENSUALLY decides on a division of roles where the man takes care of economic sustenance and the woman of managing the home, as a sacred place of emotional stability, that pact must be honored by both sides.

It is not a matter of imposed "gender roles," but of loyalty to the choice made together. If the man spends his day "fighting" outside to guarantee resources for the couple, it is natural and right that he expects to return to a well-kept environment. Not because the woman is a "housewife" in a derogatory sense, but because she is the architect of that domestic well-being that he, being out all day, cannot physically build.

It is not right for one of the two to decide to stay at home and then refuse to take care of that common space, defining themselves as "not a housewife." Managing the home is the way that part of the couple contributes to the common project. On one side, we have the man who protects the perimeter and guarantees the means; on the other, the woman who transforms those means into a hearth, into a place where both can finally breathe. What a man wants when talking about "a place of peace" is an environment that is welcoming in its atmosphere.

A man expects a place where his woman does not pester him all day, every day, with problems that are magnified much more than they are. When a man enters his fortress, it must be a fortress where the woman gives tranquility, serenity, and that dose of appreciation for having fought all day out there in a toxic world. We don't expect ready food; we can even cook that ourselves. What we seek is just a smile, understanding, and gratitude for what we do. And the same goes for her: a man who enters a fortress of peace is a man who has the clarity to thank his woman for having created it and for giving him that protection and love needed to provide.

f we get this when we enter the house, the battery recharges automatically. The house must be a place of spiritual serenity, where you can talk with your woman about everything, even about what you don't like or what scares you, with a calm and relaxed tone, looking at problems for what they are, without making them problems intrinsic to the couple. Because the trash is not a communication problem, but just forgetfulness.

Those four walls must be a parallel universe where a man can forget all the problems of the world, disconnect, and live that intense love that reinvigorates the soul.

Conclusion.

The female world thinks that we need someone to do the laundry and wash our underwear. That is not what we want. The man has the superpower to fight and provide; the woman has the superpower to transform what the man gives her into something perfect: four walls into a welcoming home, a smile and a heartfelt compliment into love, and male weakness into a welcoming ground to grow and evolve.

This is what we men want. We don't care what you look like. Our devotion goes to a woman who manages the relationship with the man but trusts the male judgment, who protects male weakness and transforms it into strength, who makes us feel good, even under a bridge, and who appreciates our attention and is flattered by it.

This is what a man looks for.

M.