Job ads: The Dream Trap.

With the first post, we laid the mental foundations for entering the world of work and being prepared to survive those 40 years, in every company, until obtaining that much-coveted and desired poverty-level pension. The problem we have is that we actually have to get into that society or into the job market. Whether you are a rookie or looking for something new, you have to go through the horrible part of the job advertisement, the application, the interview, and the signing of the sentence... contract, I meant contract!

Since these four topics are quite long to discuss in a single post (the last thing I want is to keep you stuck here for a couple of months), this "poker" will be divided into four different posts: In this post, we will talk about job advertisements; in the second, we will discuss the CV; moving on to the job interview, and finally the contract. The idea is to create a chronological path that will take us from the insecurity of not knowing if we will be called, to the voluntary entry into the prison that society has designed for us to avoid anarchy.

Why talk about the job ad? Well, why not talk about it, I ask! On that web page, there are so many things that don’t work. It’s all so wrong that one could write a book about it. Fortunately for you, I’m only writing a post... well, four, actually, if you count the whole journey!

I’d say we should start immediately, without wasting any more time! Happy reading... and have fun with the bursting bile.

Everything the Same.

Let’s start with the thing that doesn’t work, which happens even before we read that ad, and actually even before that nonsense text is written. How can you mess something up before you even write it? Well, failing even before doing something is a peculiarity that can only be seen in the world of work.

In the modern conception of every corporation, ads are no longer written by humans, but by Artificial Intelligence. If ads now have the personality of a toaster, it’s because a toaster wrote them. The reason? Companies hate spending—we know this. Hiring a person, and therefore paying them for that performance, costs money, while AI is free (for now). If one has to choose between a new SUV or a well-made ad, the SUV takes priority. Besides, the unemployed are so desperate they’ll accept anything they’re told anyway.

There is another reason. Corporations understand nothing about the internet. They use it, but they don’t understand it. What they do know is that the internet is big, there are many people, and they want their ad to be seen by those people. Therefore, the ad must be optimized for search engines to be visible. Small technical hitch: the old men in charge have no idea what SEO is, because for them, the internet is just a place for kittens and "good morning" posts. So, they don’t know how to speak the language of machines. This is a problem, because if you want to talk to a machine, you have to learn the machine's language. But if you have a tool that speaks for you, your problem is solved.

If we apply this lovely mechanism to every company on the globe, the consequence is that all over the internet, we see job ads that are all identical to each other, both in words and structure. Practically, companies have made even something that should be convincing and reflect corporate identity boring and standardized.

They served me the chance to mock the entire working world on a silver platter. What a show!

This post will be divided like the four parts of an advertisement: who we are, duties, qualifications, and the corporate offer.

Who We Are.

The "who we are" part is the one that makes me laugh the most because it is innocently comical. I don’t know if companies are aware of this comedy or if they just don’t notice. It’s almost touching how companies try to be modern, fresh, and cool, but are as old as dinosaurs. It’s like watching a sixty-year-old speak the language of a teenager. Re-reading these words, for a millisecond, I felt empathy, almost poignancy. Then I remembered that companies have no empathy, so we move on.

History.

The "who we are" section is often the first part of a job ad. The company uses this part primarily to explain who they are, what they do, and a bit of their history. So far, everything seems fine. When you meet someone for the first time, you introduce yourself politely as a form of respect. This is the only time companies will have respect for a human being.

If you read between the lines, unfortunately, you can observe all those little, big lies that a company puts on display just to appear better than it actually is. They try to hide the dust under the rug of words; too bad that rug is too short.

In my long career, and my long periods of unemployment, I have seen so many ads that I can now predict when a company is serious or lying through its teeth. And companies lie. They always lie. I have never seen a company be honest. This is a fundamental concept to keep in mind. Just as candidates lie (in good faith) to get a job—because with sincerity you get nowhere—companies also lie; they do it in bad faith, aware of offering a workplace that is often toxic. I have never seen a company say "we suck, we live in the past, and we want to exploit you as long as there’s breath in your body!" Not only that: they set traps just to test the candidate.

When they talk about their history, they lie. They cannot be sincere. They don’t lie about the facts, because it would be really stupid to lie about dates. What they lie about is the tone. Every word, the entire punctuation, and every sentence is designed to make the company appear greater than it is, suggesting a success they don’t have. In the majority of cases, the company has done exactly the same thing for decades and has survived, sometimes barely. No stories of grand successes. It’s not me saying it, but the bosses themselves: when it’s time to change, those who have the chance to change and grow always say "we don’t want to lose our identity and our reality consolidated by hard work and sacrifice!", as if to say "everything has gone fine so far, let's not mess things up!" And yet, they tell you a story of endless successes.

Not only does history serve to rewrite reality, but it is also there for another reason. During interviews, the guy from the company might ask: "what do you know about our company?" That question has brought many candidates to their knees. You have to know the history, because it gives the company the idea that you are truly interested, and if you don't answer, you're screwed. Both parties know that neither of them cares one bit about the history, but appearances must be saved. A company wants to be praised for its greatness. A greatness that doesn't exist.

History saved me. If I hadn't read the history of the company I was interviewing with ten minutes before the interview itself, I would never have gotten the apprenticeship I had been looking for for months.

Moreover, it is an excellent weapon for those of us looking for a place. Even if the company doesn't ask, even just mentioning a name or an event could really make an enormous difference between being hired and being rejected.

Mission and Values.

And then we have the second part of the presentation: the mission and the values. During my three-year internship, the values seemed almost like a mantra, as if you were in a cult. The funny thing is that the workers didn't give a damn about the values, but the managers (who had to save face and appear competent in the eyes of the board) certainly did. It was almost sweet to see how managers struggled to instruct the labor force to respect those values, while the labor force ignored them with an almost disarming tranquility.

One day, the "Boss of Bosses" even did a tour of all the company's branches across Germany to explain these incredible values to all the workers... values that no one cared about, but he was the Boss of Bosses, so everyone stayed quiet and listened, feigning interest. I remember that after that day, on every table we had a sheet with a pie chart drawn on it with all these values and their explanations.

Values can be anything: from gender equality to product quality, to taking care of the customer relationship, to inclusivity, passing through the environment, the city, and the family. In that ad, importance is given to those values as if they were the engine of the entire company. The only reason they are there is to attract candidates. It’s just a trap. And the companies know it all too well. To many people out there looking for a job, the duties don't matter at all; they only care that the company is inclusive or ecological. If a company has a transgender person in the office recycling paper, it’s perfect for many people. The work itself becomes secondary.

And then we have the mission. It is the ultimate purpose for which that company exists. Officially, the mission has nothing to do with money. It often coincides with one aspect: customer happiness. That is often the main mission! Everything must revolve around the fact that the customer must have "good vibes" when interacting with the company itself. If the customer isn't happy, the mission has failed.

Then we have technology. They talk about Artificial Intelligence in the ad, but then in the office, the most advanced technology is the printer that jams if you try to print double-sided. They officially say "our mission is to integrate the most modern technologies to optimize data flow and production," but there is no actual plan. They only say it to make you believe that the company is committing "body and soul" to making the worker's life freer and leaving a better world for future generations.

Or the mission is to expand. Companies want to reach new heights of greatness and they can only do it with everyone's help, especially the newcomers who bring fresh air. The classic joke of job ads: the newcomer is a precious resource for the economic and human growth of the company in the long term. Huge premise: no company actually wants to expand. They pretend to want to grow as a system, while in reality, they just want to squeeze the rookies and those already inside. Becoming big is a logistical problem that could lead to a company's ruin. But they want to reach heights of greatness. How do they do it? They hire as little as possible and load the workers with work until just before the breaking point. Therefore, the new hire will immediately be pushed to the limit, because everyone in there wants to have a lighter workload. You will be the sacrificial lamb, loaded up with the excuse: "they're new, they have to learn! You know, learning by doing!"

What do you have to do?

In principle, it should be like this: an entrepreneur has tasks that no one is covering, writes an ad ONLY FOR THOSE TASKS, and whoever is hired does those tasks for as long as they stay in that company (because we know well how a career is a mirage and an invention). If I read something like that, I’d be happy because I’d know what I was going to do. No surprises and no lies.

If only it were all so beautiful! Companies no longer base themselves on the tasks to be done, but on "expected results." What does that mean? Good question. Work is no longer based exclusively on the duties you have during the day. Now a company bases your stay and evaluates your usefulness on what you give to the company. The world of work is not a meritocracy of skills, but a popularity contest disguised as business. Paradoxically, you can do nothing, but if you are useful as a person to the company, then you stay; otherwise, you're out. There’s a reason why brilliant but quiet people leave or don't have careers, while friendly parasites reach the top.

Your success is based on the impact you have on the company, not on what you do. If you are someone who responds immediately to an emergency and solves the problem right away, if you are someone who helps multiple colleagues simultaneously or has several projects on the go at once, if you are someone who takes responsibility, shoulders the team's tasks, and if you are hungry for success, then you are an indispensable person. Otherwise, you already have one foot out of the company from day one. Even doing "only" the work you are paid for could get you kicked out, because you're not a "team player" and you're not "friendly" in the company.

Companies say: "I give you a job and a salary, I expect you to give me your soul, your mind, and your body. When you become a burden, we will use an excuse and kick you away!"

Advice: if you read words such as:

"You will manage cross-functional projects independently,"

"You will work in an Agile and fast-paced context,"

"You will proactively identify bottlenecks and propose innovative solutions,"

"You will be responsible for overseeing various touchpoints ensuring operational excellence" or "You will have the opportunity to expand your scope of action following the business evolution."

...don't even think about sending the application. What they are saying is:

"you will be overworked"

"the boss and the managers are bipolar insane lunatics"

"we work like we're in the Jurassic period"

"you will be the lightning rod for everything"

"you will do improvement courses that no one cares about!"

Do you really want to walk into an announced drama?

What do I need to know?

Everything. A new hire must know everything, even what they don't know. If the poor soul doesn't know what they don't know, then they aren't a valid resource. And they shouldn't even show it. Companies—a well-known group of certified idiots—don't like it when someone intelligent arrives. However, they adore "knowledgeable" people. You think they are the same thing, but they are not. A company adores a knowledgeable person—someone with lots of information—whom they can mold and manipulate under the excuse of "integrating the worker into the team." An intelligent person, who thinks and reasons, is wanted by no one. In the world of work, it’s just about obeying and using your wisdom only when the boss tells you to use it.

But what kind of wisdom does the corporate leadership require?

First of all, IT skills. You must know how to use the computer, the internet, and solve every possible problem, because you don't disturb the company's IT guy. That mystic figure does nothing all day and gets pissed off when asked to do their job. Moreover, you must be an expert in Artificial Intelligence, because the company is "smart," so you must know how to chat with ChatGPT and solve the problem your eighty-year-old colleague has with sending an email.

You must be autonomous. Even before starting, you must know how a company works, what programs it uses, and how it behaves internally or externally. If you even try to ask a colleague something about a doubt or clarification, you will be seen as ignorant and incompetent. No one will have time for you, and if you don't know how to do things by yourself, then you aren't worth the (little) money the company invests in you. From the very first day, you must be operational, ready, agile, and snappy. In short, you applied for that position and now you’ve got it. Prove you deserved it.

Then you must have the so-called "soft skills." They have nothing to do with the work itself, but you must be an interesting figure. You can be the most knowledgeable and intelligent person in the world and do your task perfectly, but if you don't talk, it will be a problem. Your competence is only a part of what the company wants from you. A company wants to create that idea of a "big family" and a cordial atmosphere. You must always be funny, alert, likable, altruistic, kind, and available.

In short, you must be an idiot who accepts everything with a smile plastered on your face. If, for some reason, you are in a "down" period and don't reflect the mood of the team or the company's vibes, you either find yourself a psychologist or they’ll kick you out. I’ve seen this personally. I am an introvert and I don't talk to people I don't care about. I’ve always gone to work and done my job, not talking to anyone because I didn't care about knowing people I had never seen in my life. Every time, I was the "strange" one, the "antisocial" one, and "not inclined to play the role of the team player!" And that was fine. Like me, others had this problem, and these people were ignored for any promotions and prestigious assignments, watching others who were much more outgoing get exactly where they wanted to go.

What does the company offer?

Since a company wants so much from us, we expect the same in return. I’m sorry to ruin your dreams of glory, but we are very far from reality. The basic reasoning is "I am sacrificing part of my money. With that money, I could buy a second home, instead I’m giving it to you! What more do you want!?". That mentality hasn't changed; it’s just now disguised with fictitious benefits to hide the fact that nothing is being offered. It sounds unbelievable, but it’s true.

A company would want the worker at its disposal all day, every day. But it can't, because the law obliges it to offer vacation days. If they weren't there, we’d be at work seven days a week. Those weeks the company pays us for are the classic "prison yard time." As such, the freedom to take them is limited. No one is truly free to take vacation spontaneously whenever they want. First point: you have to think at the beginning of the year about what you want to do and where to go, as if you could predict the future. Furthermore, even if you’ve taken the holidays, the boss, for a thousand reasons, could decide that for three or four months "the workload is high" and you’re going nowhere. If you’ve booked those holidays, you’re screwed. Sure, you can still go on vacation, but don't expect to find your job when you get back.

You sign for specific hours per week, agreed with the company. It could be 20, 30, or 40. Too bad those hours are often not respected—not because the worker is slow, but because the company is so poorly organized that you are forced to stay longer. That "flexible scheduling" that companies boast about so much is nothing more than forcing the worker to stay longer or start earlier, whereas flexibility should mean "when you're finished, you leave." In the end, you will always work more than what you agreed upon.

Smart working or home office are now a "must" in every ad. It has to be written because the company must appear up to date with current trends. The truth, which will be immediately apparent at the interview, is that no one in the company works from home except the boss and whoever licks... you know what... the best. For everyone else, the opportunity exists only for one day a week and after the probationary period, or only in extreme cases like an epidemic. I wonder what smart working or home office is for only once a week, when these two work systems are designed so you don't spend a single minute in the office.

And then we have all the accessory bonuses such as discounts for fitness, public transport, bicycles, and so on. Here, too, we are talking about nothing, because they are bonuses that don't exist, or if they do, no one is interested in having a 10% discount on a gym membership. It would be better to have 10% more salary per month. I’ll take care of my own health.

Final Thoughts.

A job advertisement is like silverware for magpies. They use ten words (eight of them in English) when only two are needed to turn a boring story into something gripping; they require total wisdom from the candidate, youth on the edge of legality, and an empty mind to mold and manipulate to their liking.

In exchange, the worker receives a pittance of a salary, "yard time" during the year, work hours that are never respected, and bonuses that no one gives a damn about.

Then companies wonder why nobody wants to work in general or, more specifically, for them.

M.